If you’re reading this, bear with me. This is some serious, but short, word vomit.
I am hesitant, and fretful. This space has not been put to very good use over the last few weeks, despite my best intentions. I am feeling particularly down on myself, frustrated that I have so little to offer the world. I feel anxious and, admittedly, short-tempered.
I feel like I am definitely not the best version of myself I could be, but I don’t know how to change that, or even if I have the spirit to do so. I’m tired a lot. I have a bunch of grand ideas, and despite having nothing but time on my hands, I lack the energy and talent to implement them. All I want to do is curl up on the couch. I recognize this is not the best method to improve one’s self. I get it. Getting out of the hole you dug for yourself is not an easy task.
I’m not a wordsmith. I don’t know. I’m just saying I’ve dug myself a warm cozy burrow, but it’s kind of gross and dark down here and I’d like to come up, now. Obviously I’m not the first person in the existence of mankind to feel this way.
I’d like to think another PURGE OF ALL THE MATERIAL THINGS might help. It’s possible. It’s also possible that being back in class will solve some of my anxiety issues. Schedules are good. I need a schedule. Change of diet? Sure. That definitely wouldn’t hurt anything. But I don’t know if these changes are just bandaids, or if that even matters. What’s wrong with a bandaid, really? Let’s patch this mess up so we can focus on more important things.
The first week of July flew by quickly. The days were full, but I still feel a little bit like they’ve escaped me. Have you ever felt like that? It’s strange. I don’t feel like that handful of days lacked anything necessarily, but there’s still an odd and lingering sense of longing. This is probably due to some kind of inherent personality flaw that I don’t particularly want to look too deeply into. So. Here are a few of my July goals:
Paint. I’ve been reading a lot about intuitive painting and journaling, and the work I’ve seen has been inspiring. It’s been ages since I’ve really put my heart into any artwork. In the past, my personal art making process has served primarily as a coping mechanism. When I actually feel well, I tend not to create. It seems rather a sad thing, and it’s something I’d like to change. What does “happy” art even look like? I don’t know. I’d like to explore it. This is top priority, I think. How great would it be to build up a new portfolio? My style has changed significantly in the last five years (and yes, it’s been that long since I’ve made anything worthwhile).
Read three books. The number is completely arbitrary, I just know I’d like to spend some more time reading. I’m currently working my way through book number one.
Make an effort to be positive. It’s the little day to day things, really, but those things add up and can weigh people down. I want to be someone who lifts people up. I can often be critical, over-reactive, and short tempered, and I’d really like to make more of an effort to be more thoughtful, especially in regards to myself, and the people I care most about.
Visit a museum. This is somewhat less of a priority, because it’s summer and the whole seacoast is swimming with tourists. It would be nice, though, to visit one with Timothy before he leaves for the entire month of August. Neither of us has been to the Ogunquit Museum of Art, and I’d love to visit!
Get my hair cut. It’s been well over a year. Now that I am most assuredly committed to longer hair (for a while), I just want something that frames my face nicely.
Drinking: Shipyard Melonhead, likely my final couple bottles of the season. This is not to say that it’s a bad tasting beer, but much like its autumnal sibling, Pumpkinhead, I can only drink maybe three a year. It’s a bit special, and I don’t ever want to take away from that.
Listening to: Don’t judge me (or do), but I obsessed with the Precision Soca Remix version of Hula Hoop (after hearing the original song only like… a month ago because I’m old and out of touch). It’s summertime. Deal with it.
Reading: Hearts in Atlantis by Stephen King.
Snacking: Have you tried any of the Buddha Bowl popcorn flavors from Lesser Evil? I’m really into “Avocado-Licious,” and Tj likes “Himalayan Pink.”
Wearing: I’m still in love with the handful of Pura Vida bracelets I bought earlier this summer, especially the black sterling lotus. It’s become a comforting part of my “leaving the house” routine. Just a reminder that you can save 20% on any Pura Vida order using the code NAOMIDENSMORE20 at checkout. Also, dear Mainers (and aforementioned seacoast tourists): check out Loyal Citizen in Portland! We hadn’t yet been into the brick and mortar store, and were pleasantly surprised when we stopped in last week. Wear your Maine pride and support small business! There’s a design for just about anybody, but I’m most fond of the Joshua Chamberlain print, available on both men’s and women’s tees.
Thanks for stopping by. My name is Naomi, and this space is made of girldust. This blog is a picture of my scattered life on the coast of Maine. I like old houses, the ocean, ghost stories, and museums. You can learn a little bit more about me here.